My Mama asked me this constantly when I was growing up. What she meant was that she had told me what or how to do something, and I had not done it her way. Either I thought my way was better (meaning faster) or I didn’t believe she knew what she was talking about so I had to go and reinvent the wheel. It drove her insane.
Now that I have kids I get it. Now that I’ve been married twice, I get it. Some day I need to write a post on why our husbands have to be told to do things and why, when we finally break down and just tell them (as opposed to assuming they have enough sense to figure out that the trash needs to be taken out without having to be told) they don’t do it the way we tell them to. Although they have to be told to do something, they decide they somehow know better how to do it, and of course their way usually takes longer and is riddled with mistakes that we have to go back and clean up after.
Ugh. I digress. I love my husband and my kids. I know I am really annoying at times. So. We’re even.
Anyway, some things actually have to be done the hard way. In Straight Talk, Joyce Meyer wrote that our minds should be edifying You – that we should be full of praise, edifying others as well, and that we should be full of faith and hope.
A lot of people out there find it easy to be mellow and following this directive wouldn’t take much for them. They’re the kind of people Meyer formerly thought didn’t have a pulse – meaning they don’t demonstrate emotion because they have to be stirred up by terribly unusual things to emote. Oh my goodness – she and I married the same man! I sometimes wonder if he has a stone for a heart. Not because he’s cold-hearted, and he is actually very sweet, but it isn’t because he feels spiritually beatific all the time. It’s because he does not feel much. I cannot even begin to imagine how that works. Only in really negative situations does he express feeling.
It’s easy for him to be positive. He doesn’t experience negative feelings and for whatever psychological reasons, he is just more mellow, which comes across as “positive” but is really more passive. A lot of people are like this – it isn’t weird or anything. I, on the other hand, emote A LOT. I mean, on any given day I can live the “feeling life”of three people – or more! It’s much easier for me to be negative. I don’t enjoy being negative – it’s not fun.
I know why I have a tendency to be that way. I know that I hate it about myself. I know that I despise it in others. I think about it every morning when I wake up and I tell myself that today will be different. Today I will try this or keep trying that. And the good Lord has yet to give me a spirit of calm. Gracious. It is very frustrating to want to be better and to struggle with something every day, all day.
I wonder if there really are people out there who don’t think about their faults on a regular basis – who don’t want to improve themselves. What must that be like? Because I am determined to eventually be able to stomp mine out!