There’s a fantastic Scripture quote from Joshua 24:15 that I love, which ends this way: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” This struck me as particularly relevant today as I sat thinking this morning about the day and what it already held, and for the events of the past week. I dropped my oldest off at kindergarten today. I did not expect to cry, which I did, because my child has been in pre-school for two years. But this school is much bigger and he will be gone much longer during the day. So I was upset after my husband and I dropped him off.
I was thinking about it during my morning workout. I had prayed over my boy last night, asking God to keep him safe, give him wisdom, and let him know how amazing he is. For all the love my child has received, he doesn’t yet understand his own importance to anyone. It’s sad. He goes through life afraid, scared that he won’t measure up. He has the same lack of of confidence I did as a kid. Only he isn’t afraid of verbalizing it. Even though those who love him dearly spend a lot of time telling him how great he is, he experienced serious rejection at a young, young age, and still does. It’s telling on a child’s heart and soul.
Anyway, after dropping him off, I prayed once again for him. He was terrified to be left alone in such a big place. I was really worried. Even though I have this amazing feeling that he’s going to really succeed there, I know he doesn’t. And the Lord told me to just let it go. I had done what I could. The rest was up to Him.
And later, I was sitting out in front of my house. It is so beautiful and calm in the early hours of the day. I thought – I will not let anyone destroy the peace of my house. But then, I have small kids – so scratch that – I will not let anyone destroy the happy peace and (sometime) calm of my house. I will not let others destroy my equilibrium. I will maintain a calm home even if it kills me. I have a responsibility to create and sustain a home for my family, and I will not tolerate anyone coming into it and disrespecting that.
1 Peter 3:4 states that “[a] gentle and peaceful spirit is very precious in the sight of God.” If it means that much to You, Lord, it must be possible even for someone like me. However, the interesting word here is “spirit,” not “behavior.” Although I think God wants us to behave that way as well. Do I have to stifle myself to death to become “gentle” and “peaceful?” I mean, I know I’ll keep trying even if I have to beat my own head against a wall in frustration. I don’t have all this figured out yet, but one day at least I will be sanctified. I often think the only thing to do is just the best you can each day.