I’m Not Upset – Why are You?


I cannot tell y’all how many times I’ve asked my husband this question: “Well, how would you feel if you were in my shoes?” and gotten this inane, frustrating response: “I’d feel fine!”

Can y’all hear my “ugh!” all the way over there? Ladies, I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about! And if there are any men reading this blog post besides my husband, the guys are like, “Yeah! Know how he feels!”

So here’s the obvious disconnect that did not occur to me until today: Not everybody knows what it feels like to walk a mile in your shoes – especially not your spouse!

Why didn’t I realize this before? Ok, folks, let’s get real – don’t you think that sometimes (or most times) your spouse claims to have no idea what you’re upset about because he or she or she doesn’t want to admit that they did something wrong?

Sample scenario:

“Honey, I have told you eight times today to take out that trash! Can you please do it now!!”

Spouse: What is the big freaking deal? If she wants it taken out so bad she should take it out herself!!! “I’ll get to it, I promise.”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been cleaning house all day and it’s Saturday and you’re just watching tv! Please get up and take out this trash!”

At which point, stupid, petty fight ensues. And finally the wife asks the husband THE QUESTION. And he says he’d not care at all if he had asked you the take the trash out for the millionth time since you got married in 1994 and you still hadn’t done it.

But is he telling the truth? That’s what we wonder, and we wives fume to ourselves that if he’d asked us to get dinner on the table and we hadn’t done it on time EVER then he would know EXACTLY how we feel!

Maybe, in many cases, he truly would, and he (or she) is just being pigheaded and stubborn and refusing to admit a wrong done. This is important and it happens and it shouldn’t. We are all guilty of this and we shouldn’t treat out husband or wife that way.

But it really is true that women and men see things differently, and he truly might not get – at all! – why you’re mad, sad, worried, or scared. In these situations, when we are looking at our spouse like he or she is a total nutjob, we need to realize that God has gifted us with an opportunity for compassion! And we ought to take it! We need to let God use us to help heal our spouse. So put down the remote, dudes, or the trash bags, ladies, and start using these gifts today.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Not Upset – Why are You?

  1. To be honest: Sounds like a petty bunch of crap! In our marriage, it was a partnership. We shared responsibilities & when one couldn’t (for whatever the reason), the other filled in as best they could. Why? Because, “WE LOVED EACH ANOTHER!” Did you marry for money? For a maid to cook, keep house, do your chores, a houseboy? Why are you married? Things too seriously think about; “LIFE IS SHORT!” I wish my spouse were here to tell me things to do, I would proudly hop to it. .

  2. John, I thank you for your heart-felt response although I don’t understand exactly what you’re angry about. Could you clarify? The point of the post is that sometimes men and women just truly do not understand each other, and therefore do not understand why the other gets upset sometimes. That’s all. Tried to add some levity with a funny “story” that most couples can relate to.

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