Change of Plans

When I got married the second time around, I had a job. I rather liked it. It required definite use of brain cells. Being a mom, much of the job is menial, tedious, mind-numbing work. It doesn’t take a genius to wash clothes and wipe booties.

Well, six months later I was laid off. A second baby was well on the way. Did I ever picture that as my life? Of course not! I had big dreams, like most people. As a teenager, I read The Lost City.  Never again did I want to be an ordinary journalist. I wanted to some day work at a foreign news desk. For The Washington Post!  I never made it out of middle-sized small town papers. Thank God. I would have sucked at being a reporter at a bigger place. I just wasn’t meant to do it, I guess.

So not one of those big dreams came true. Because it’s just not what my life is supposed to be, and you know what? I’m ok with that. Because my big dreams are different now. Maybe not as exciting in the world’s eyes, but they’re pretty major to me.

I’m reading Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. Today’s quote that sent me hurrying to blog is this: “If we don’t prepare to modify our plans, we will end up more and frustrated and overwhelmed.”

As women who marry and intend to – one day – have children, inevitably, we are surprised when they come. We aren’t just “not ready” – we don’t always want one right then. We have jobs. A social life. Spontaneity. And then we rearrange our lives for a period of time – forever or just six weeks or so – and change course. That’s our new direction.

Maybe we want a second child – in theory. I did. Guess what day I decided maybe I didn’t? Yep. The same day I found out I was pregnant with said second child. I am not kidding. It was probably an hour before I took the pregnancy test.

Wowza. Change course again. New life begins. Life gets more complicated.

I admit I have been adrift for years. It’s very unpleasant. It’s only been about six months since things really began to look up. Prior to that, I did not know what the plan was, so I kept doing what I was doing. Being a wife and mom. A writer. A nose-wiper. A daughter, friend, and neighbor.

It isn’t that now I see some deep plan unfolding in a vision. It’s an energy I feel. I know something different is on the way!

If your life is stuck, pray. If your life is moving forward and you aren’t sure exactly where God is taking it, pray! He might not reveal all just yet. But Shirer is right – you don’t want to be frustrated and overwhelmed when you suddenly wake up and realize your entire life plan has changed and you somehow forgot!

Down & Out in the Mommy ‘Hood

Blessed morning to y’all! Might I first say the only reason I even have time to attempt – praise God if I actually finish – writing this blog post this Friday a.m. is because my children are temporarily quiet and still. Won’t last long – better hurry.

We leave for vacation next week. I am desperate for it and I don’t even know how to get what I want while there. Peace. Quiet. Time away from the kids. But…that’s not a family vacation, is it???

It’s been years since I escaped to the mountains, solo. I don’t really want a weekend away. I think what it boils down to is that school just let out, so the endless lists of homework, school projects, end-of-year parties, hands out asking for money – all this is over, and my brain is so mushy and confused I don’t know what end is up.

Yep. Down and out in the ‘Hood. Mothering is a challenge. There is no other way to describe it. Even I saw enough Disney movies to think that I’d be like Mary Poppins with my children, not Cruella de Vil. Yet, here I am – I just need the grey streak. Wait – I’m sure that’ll happen on its own soon.

Breaking up fights. Kissing boo-boos and holding a screaming crier – and you did it yourself, kid! How much sympathy is too much here?

Explaining why playing on the iPad or Mommy’s computer – 24/7 – is not a great way to spend the summer. Assigning worksheets so their brains don’t turn to mush, and explaining why I don’t know why your step-mother doesn’t do it during the summer, her being a teacher herself and all – that is, if in fact she doesn’t, or you, precious oldest son, are just trying to manipulate me. Either way, do the worksheets, kid, and I’ll add an extra one every time you sass me.

It’s enough to make a mother lose her mind. As I take a Bible study break from tedious chores like vacuuming the dirt that one man and two boys seem to spit out of their mouths all over my clean floors every day – I am confronted with a peaceful nature scene.

A waterfall. In a shady glen. Oh, take me there. Please Jesus, take me there. Actually, Jesus, just come on and get us. I’m ready to go. Do mothers vacuum and wash dishes and iron and wash clothes in heaven? If we do, I am positive there is some amazing reward we don’t get here on Earth!

Do we have to break up fights? I know the Bible tells us no tears will be shed. No pain will be felt. But come on. Kids? In heaven? Someone is gonna stub their toe on those streets of gold and then randomly punch another kid for being there to watch it happen.

Ok. Some levity. Kids aren’t kids for long; they grow up and go away and never come back. Ha! Some humor – last weekend at our Memorial Day party, I had to take the pitcher away from my friend’s daughter, telling her she couldn’t have any. “What is it?” she asked. “Mommy juice?”

That’s right girl. This Mommy needs her juice. Only it’s 10 a.m. and they frown on that.

In truth, my son leaves soon for the summer. It always depresses me and makes me angry. It’s stressful and I worry and I need to let that mess go. I know. Acting like this year is going to be different by just ignoring those feelings doesn’t help. Nor does yelling at my wonderful children, who are in dire need of an attitude adjustment – and a darn good spanking.

So. Here we are, moms. Down and out. And summer has barely come a knocking. What’s a mom to do?

Refresh with the Word, with prayer. With a well-mixed cocktail with your girlfriends. Go shopping. Do something fun every once in a while. And accept the drudgery and the fights and the boo-boos because, for real, one day you will wake up and there will no longer be sassy mouths to feed. And you will miss it. Wipe away the tears. Let go of the anger. Smile. God bless!

Forgiveness Isn’t a Hallmark Card

Well, it’s not. It sounds that way when other people do it. They look so beatific and peaceful. But when it’s my turn – your turn perhaps? – it’s hard and my stomach is tied in knots. I’m angry and hurt, frustrated, heartbroken even – and forgiveness is just too much work.

I was given a reprieve from work about, oh, 14 years ago. I headed to a park nearby because it was such a beautiful day. And even though God and I weren’t on the same speaking terms we are now, I still talked to Him and prayed – and even read my Bible. But we didn’t have the intimate, restorative relationship we have now. Which totally debunks the whole “miracles don’t happen anymore” theory I have heard lately and the idea that if you aren’t as close to God as you should be, He won’t help you.

Y’all, that is a bald-faced lie. God knows your heart more thoroughly than anyone on the face of the planet – even if you don’t know His. And sometimes, He comes through for you in a big big way just to show you Who’s boss. Like He did for me that day.

I didn’t come to the park thinking about a significant person in my life. I didn’t even talk about him to God that day. I just thanked God for the beauty around me, and asked that He provide the money to make up the hours I wasn’t getting paid at work that day. Somehow.

Well, He didn’t. He gave me a much bigger gift – the present of forgiveness.  For some reason, He laid miraculous, supernatural forgiveness of this significant person on my heart that day. The truly amazing thing was that on that day 14 years ago, or so, I didn’t even realize how fully I had forgiven this person!

I just knew my hatred of him was gone. In the years to come, in his presence, I would no longer cower, or grow angry. I would usually laugh at the stupid, inane lies he told me about myself. Sometimes I would even laugh out loud. Oh y’all, I still do! It’s been more than a decade and that forgiveness is still a daily part of my life about this person!

However, here’s the thing people: this isn’t how forgiveness is supposed to work! This was truly, really, believe me – a miracle. God doesn’t make forgiveness this easy on us 99.99999% of the time.

Makes you mad, doesn’t it? Here’s someone who has hurt you and maybe even done unspeakable things to you – and not only are you supposed to forgive this person, but also you’re supposed to do it gracefully, effortlessly, despite the very real repercussions that you may have to suffer through – for the rest of your life.

You think I don’t have those? I sure do. Those things done to me – those things I did to myself – I have to live with that awful nasty terrible ugly crap too! Consequences aren’t just born of what we do; they’re born of what others do to us.

Forgive, huh God? Oh yes – you’ve maybe even heard it said that forgiveness isn’t just about the other person – it’s really for you. So you can go on without a stained conscience and with peace in your heart.

Well, let me tell you something – I don’t think that’s the whole point of forgiveness, and if you disagree, let me turn your attention to Mark 11: 25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. (KJV)

Did you get that last part? If you do not forgive, you will not be forgiven. Now that’s a pretty big problem huh?

Forgiveness isn’t usually a miracle and it’s rarely easy. It’s a choice you may have to make every day for an indeterminate amount of time! I’ve spent years forgiving people. YEARS.

And yet – how many years has someone – or some people – spent forgiving me?

That ONE Child…

Yeah, if you have more than one kid, you’ve got THE ONE. The difficult, touchy, teenager-at-four kind of kid. The one that makes you want to pull your hair out and stick a fork in your eye at the same time. Every. Single. Day.

To say that I have some personal experience in both being that child and having one of them is an understatement. I’m not a child psychologist or whatnot. But I do have some common sense. Here’s why they’re (I’m) like that: something happened.

It doesn’t have to be life-altering awful. It could be that they’re stuck in the middle in a big, loving family. But they feel left out, forgotten. Or just different from the rest of the family, and therefore weird or odd or strange.

It could be for many reasons. Hang in there, parents. That’s my advice. But how about some Biblical perspective?

Jesus was, at the time, caught eating a meal with sinners and tax collectors. It would be like a pastor sitting down to table with a roomful of strippers. It’s just not done.

Why isn’t it? The answer to question is what Christ posed in the passage taken from Mark 2: ¹⁷ On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

It’s not the “good” child that gets all the grease. It’s the squeaky wheel. It’s the one who needs more direction, guidance, and frankly, love. Because for for whatever reason, that kid doesn’t think he gets enough of it.

It’s easy to get frustrated. To give up. To yell. To uses sarcasm. To be utterly worn out by this insane child. But here’s the thing, y’all – Christ didn’t call us to give up! He called us to keep going.

Pray. Seek His refreshment. Count. To. Ten. And…repeat!

And one more thing: don’t compare one child to the other. Children are different as the rest of the people in this world are different. They require different responses during discipline, different methods used to teach coping skills, and unique ways of showing love. You can do this, cause God’s GOT this. Blessings y’all!

My Mental Health Story

If you don’t have mental health issues, what does awareness month mean to you? Probably nothing. And I wouldn’t blame you.

The question is, what should it mean to you? And the answer to that varies. Does someone you know struggle with any of the following: depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, body image disorders, and dare I include gender identity issues? Yes. I dare. Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, excessive thoughts/complaints about health, anger or aggression or violence, delusions/hallucinations, or even denial of problems?

Well then. The answer to the question is that if you know them well – if they’re a frequent part of your life – you need to be as aware as you can of what the problem[s] is and how to handle it, especially if you have children and/or mental health problems of your own.

But what if by “frequent” I mean someone you work with, but aren’t friends with, for example, or a family member of some sort? Chances are, if you don’t have experience with the proper handling of mental health problems, this person – or these people – make you angry or uncomfortable, to say the least.

It’s easy to judge. On all fronts of dealing with mental illness, it’s easy to judge. Some say their mental health doesn’t define them. Personally, I think that’s an easy way to think of yourself as someone free from the intense burden of grief over your life.

It absolutely defines me. Let’s see. Severe clinical depression. Panic/anxiety disorder. PTSD. Body image disorder in the form of bulimia. I lost 20 pounds in one month. I was a size 8 when I started losing weight. I was skin and bones when I was done. I thought I was beautiful. It made my Daddy tear up and ask me what in the world had I done to myself.

“Even if you hadn’t been born with genetic mental health disorders, after what has happened to you over your life, you’d have at least one,” said my first therapist. That was 18 years ago. I was a baby then, a 19-year-old myself!

I’m not going into specifics here, and it’s not because I’m ashamed of the things that have happened to me – and the things I’ve done because of it – it’s because there are people involved that, no matter how hurtful they’ve been, have a right to privacy. Frankly, people who didn’t handle their own mental health issues well. I can’t fully blame them for how they treated or “loved” me any more than I can blame myself for what I did to them. They didn’t have a clue what they were doing with their own lives. I certainly didn’t either.

I first and foremost have to give anyone struggling with mental illness this piece of advice: God is HERE. I was raised in a “Christian” family. Went to church every time its doors were open. And I hated myself so much, and knew of the hatred towards me of others (in my own house), that I was convinced God was DONE. Saved and baptized at age 9, I thought my chance for heaven and happiness was over. I had screwed up too much to be loved by God anymore, and – here’s the kicker that many of you know full well – I was so, so terrible that I deserved what people did to me – violence, sexual assault, infidelity, mental/emotional/physical abuse – all the way through to adulthood.

Yes. It doesn’t stop at childhood, for example, if that’s where it started. It follows you everywhere – until you decide enough is enough. How that happens and what that looks like for you, I have zero idea. I have no experience with, for example, schizophrenia. I know enough about it, though, to realize that it takes a village to get that mess under control, and in society – regardless of where that society is geographically – it’s not “proper” to talk about it or seek help for it.

Y’all, there is no reason to live your live surviving. There is no reason to let someone else you love do that. God put us here to THRIVE! To be fruitful, to blossom, to bloom! That recently happened to me. All because I decided to take a chance.

What did that look like? To you, it might be laughable. I got out of my husband’s car and walked into our church. Alone. Up the stairs to the Upper Room. Alone. I was acquainted with one or two women in the Bible study group I was joining. That was it. I sat there, before it began, my heart pounding. Intense nausea made it hard to think. I was shaking so hard and terribly ashamed because I knew that some of the women could see me doing it. But I looked at the book I’d been given and almost laughed.

Armor of God, by Priscilla Shirer. And I felt this seed of determination begin to build, y’all. Like the person I used to be, before my anxiety made me turn into an agoraphobic. Someone who got sick on car trips from being closed into a vehicle. Someone who got dizzy and faint just walking out the front door alone.

Second, if you know someone suffering from mental illness, PLEASE take note:

1. Don’t question their faith. Faith from YOUR point of view has nothing to do with it. I had a true love of God for many, many years. It did not stop satan from taking over my life, and it did not stop me from letting him. It did, however, save me countless times from suicide attempts, for example.

2. Don’t embarrass or discourage them to make a point about your own ignorance. I get that this is frustrating and hard for you,too. Especially if you’ve never dealt with this in your own life. It seems so simple – just get out of the house! Of the relationship. Of your head.

Guys, fear doesn’t work like that. It takes over your life, and when the people who are supposed to love you make you feel small, that fear erodes all trust. I have family members I barely speak to because I do not know how to bridge the gap of lost trust. Of judgment and criticism because I wasn’t what they needed.

3. It’s ok to get frustrated. It’s ok to get angry! There is something insidious and dark taking over the life of someone you love, and you are powerless to stop it. No one would blame you for feeling like that, least of all the person it’s happening to. They completely understand! Show unconditional love – which does NOT mean you never feel negatively about that person. It means you keep coming back and you never give up.

4. Learn your place. You cannot heal anyone; only God and, at times, medical help, can do that. You are there to pray over, try to guide, and love that person. That’s it. No one expects you to be perfect, or to always handle it well. You’re human, and everyone knows it.

5. Don’t let it erode your own life. Take care of yourself, because if you don’t you can’t fully take care of someone else.

6. Give it to the Father, y’all. His shoulders are perfectly capable of carrying and bearing your burden. Lay it at His feet every time it rears its ugly head at you, and you will be totally amazed at what He can do.

Whether you’re struggling with mental health problems, or someone you know and love is, hang in there. Seek help. That may be a doctor or a medication. Don’t be ashamed of this! There is PLENTY of love out there for you! God, others – we are HERE. Comment below if you have questions or just want to chat. Bless all y’all!

Here’s a prayer I was recently told about by a wonderfully sweet woman in my Wednesday night Bible study. Let these words of love soak into your parched heart – your dusty soul – so that you are lifted up and away from the evil of satan that is clutching your body. Your mind. Your soul. May God heal you, may He comfort you in times of distress. May He send satan straight back to hell where he belongs!

Ephesians 3:  ¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

 

Jesus & The Samaritan Dogs

Many of you are familiar with the story of The Good Samaritan. You can read it here. What you might not know is that to the Jews of Jesus’ day, they considered Samaritans dogs. This takes on new meaning with more than simply the Good Samaritan character.

It is my opinion that Jesus was looked down upon by some of His own followers for stopping to talk and share the Gospel with The Woman at the Well. At the very least, it was considered terribly odd that He chose her.

The point is, considering how much Jews hated Samaritans, the choice of two important parables containing Samaritan heroes was an interesting one for Jesus. He certainly wanted his audience to pay attention.

If He were to come back at this moment – when you’re reading this blog – and two Muslim men were with Him, and He used them as heroes in two stories – well, you get the drift.

The thing is, the heroes of these stories – regardless of racial and geographical background – did wonderful things. In fact, in the story of The Good Samaritan, he surpassed a church elder and a priest in how he helped the poor soul beaten by robbers and left for dead.

Can you picture your pastor? And your favorite deacon or church leader? Now imagine one of those Muslim men walking by this beaten man, after your pastor and church leader left him for dead, and stopping to lend a hand?

Jesus wanted to make sure that the Jews knew He did not discriminate, and He did so by using their enemy in these two parables. They viewed Samaritans as only good enough to eat the scraps left by their feet at table.

Who do we leave sitting by the side of the road, so to speak, in our lives?

1. Our husbands and children when we’re mad at them?
2. Our boss when he/she treats us poorly?
3. Our parents, when we’ve had all we can take, despite our caretaking of them in the aging process?
4. Our friends, when they disagree out of love and care?
5. GOD, when He doesn’t do what we want Him to?

The list includes some excellent scenarios, but maybe you have your own that you’re struggling with. Well, what did Jesus tell us to do?

Not only does our neighbor – anyone we come in contact with – need our help, but so do the rest of the people in our lives. Those pesky-people. Those who want more than we can give. What is the answer here? To erect boundaries that are healthy, or to cut those people dead when we see them so they never speak to us again?

What is the answer to the family members that plague us from time to time? To shut down, withdraw, and nurse hurt and anger? Or to pray and press on? Y’all, it doesn’t get more simple than that. Complicating it is just a way out of doing what we need to do.

 

You’re NOT Too Screwed-up – For God

Good morning folks! It’s a great day out there. We’ve had some massive storms come through overnight. Everything is rain-washed and cool. Blue skies and birds singing – probably ’cause they get to gobble up the worms cast out of their homes by the rain. Ah, life is good.

No, I’m not deterring from the point of this blog post – in fact, my morning workout in the great outdoors is a perfect segue into why I – and you – am not too screwed up for God. I read about this issue in Tell Me About God.  Two and a half months ago, I would have ended today’s lesson in a watershed of tears.

Not today! Thanks to Priscilla Shirer’s The Armor of God (#ArmorofGod) and a class full of women of all ages, races, backgrounds, and life experiences, I have learned much about God’s love for me. But I’ll share this lesson for those of you who aren’t there yet. And y’all will be the ones shedding big ‘ole raindrop tears.

Day 43 – Can We Give Our Lives to God?

“Many of us are reluctant to forgive ourselves because we are unable to fix the things we have done wrong. Maybe we feel the sin is too big to fix – therefore we feel we shouldn’t be forgiven. BUT –

• God knows our life and the difficulties we face each day.
• He knows the injustices we have suffered.
• He knows the frustrations and defeats we suffer each day.
• He knows the handicaps and limitations we are saddled with.
• He know how tough it is to get by.

Hasn’t the unfairness of life punished us enough? Isn’t it time to give our un-forgiveness to God?” ~~~Compilation by Jack Berryman . Edited by Randy Haas and Helen Lewis.

If this just slaps you in the face, because it so abruptly and jarringly gets your attention – that’s awesome! So if you watch this awesome video clip and can understand, then it’s way past time to hand over these feelings to the Lord.

People might tell you that nothing is too big for God to handle; that nothing you’ve ever done is too much for Him. But who can believe that, right? Wrong! Something I learned lately boils down to this: God predestined you. He chose you. Not because of what you will become but because of who you are RIGHT now.

Go forth this day and celebrate! Despite negative and troublesome circumstances and people in your life at this very moment, celebrate! Did you feel momentary joy when you read this? Don’t let go of that! That’s what God wants you to feel and experience!

So, as my Mama would say, tuck your knot – and for you non-Southern readers out there, bless your lil ole hearts, that means “bow your head” –

Father God, I pray that whomever reads this, on whatever day, finds comfort, grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and absolute joy in You and what You have done for him or her. Christ, step into this person’s heart. Heal, protect, and guide this person to the Father. Spirit, move in GREAT ways in this person’s life. Let there be no mistake – if he or she is in despair, for whatever reason – let this person know in a forceful and unmistakable way that the Godhead is in LOVE!! Amen.

Blessings y’all!

Repentance Isn’t Painful

A wonderful illustration of repentance from Lily & Light describes it as the following:

Repentance is simply 
comforting and healing our weariness and pain

by changing the course of our thoughts.

It is turning from sin and to God. 

It is securing our peace, and our place with Jesus.

 

When you think of repentance as comforting, does that change the tenor of the act for you? It does for me. As a daily exercise, repentance can absolutely feel like a real bummer. Who wants to start, end, or meet God in the middle of their day with a heavy heart full of self-loathing? Not me. Yet I have done it for as long as I can remember, even if only moment-by-moment.

Yes, repentance involves feeling badly about something. Otherwise you wouldn’t realize or care that whatever it was, was wrong in the first place. But here’s the key that I think Kristin was making: that’s where feeling badly ENDS.

After that initial feeling of wrongdoing, and turning that sin over to the Lord, it’s time to be comforted. Imagine yourself a child who has been punished and is crying because you feel sad about disappointing a parent. What does that parent do? Turn around and walk away? “Glad you’re crying, you horrible kid!”

Of course not. You wrap your arms around the hurting child, despite being angry at what they did – and maybe you still are! You don’t let that feeling overcome your desire to show your love to your child.

I believe it works sort of like that with God. He doesn’t like what we did; He didn’t want us to choose sin over obedience. But He isn’t holding it against us when we’ve sincerely repented. He’s ready to wrap His arms around us!

So our thoughts have turned in a different direction. Now we have our second choice to make: to keep sinning or stop. It’s that simple (to say – in actuality stopping that sin is often incredibly difficult).

Therein lies the rub, yes? If we have decided to trust in our loving God and repent, and be welcomed back into a complete relationship with Him, it’s just as hard to stop doing what we were doing. The following are some examples that are problematic – to say the least – to disengage from:

• Rage – to stop letting your anger emerge against yourself or others;
• Lust – to stop letting your thoughts wander towards that man or woman, especially if you’re married; to stop wanting ANYTHING more than God;
• Greed – to stop thinking you need to make more money if you can’t afford what you want – because the more you make, the more you’ll want;
• Laziness – to put down the remote and get up and do what needs to be done; to get off Facebook (AFTER you’ve read this post, of course), and get back to work;
• Addiction – to put down that drink, that drug, that food, etc.;

These are just some of the many obstacles that separate us from God. You have your own, private ones, and the public ones you can’t hide. At any rate, they gotta go. If you can decide to put them down and turn away and never do them again – awesome. Congrats. But most of us have to put them down A LOT before they’re fully gone. And even then, we have to be watchful for the prowling lion from 1 Peter 5:8. We cannot let it beat us.

Some of these sins require more than a promise made to God, to yourself, and/or to family and friends. Some of these sins require significant outside help. Do it. It’s worth it. Anything is better than hating yourself for what you’ve done and continue to do.

Let Jesus set you free! Blessings y’all!

 

How To Follow Romans & Renew Your Mind

There’s this wonderful verse in Romans 12. It says, “Do not allow this world to mold you in its own image. Instead, be transformed from the inside out by renewing your mind. As a result, you will be able to discern what God wills and whatever God finds good, pleasing, and complete.” (v. 2, THE VOICE version from BibleGateway.com).

The wording inspires me. To be transformed – well, we women know transforming ourselves is an innate quality. We desire it before we become Christians. We are born knowing change is part of our makeup.

To renew my mind – wow – if you’ve never felt it going a million miles an hour, you won’t get it. If you don’t desperately want your mind to be “normal” then this might not jump out a you.

To be good, pleasing, and complete – for God – how beautiful!

Yes, wonderful. But the more I try to change my mind – to renew and – oh yeah! – be TRANSFORMED into that good, pleasing, and complete person? The more I fail. Epic fail. Eternal fail. Stick-a-fork-in-my-eye fail.

Thank you Jesus for Matthew Henry’s Commentary! (Also found on BibleGateway.com). Here’s what it has to say on this verse:

” The mind must be renewed for him. This is pressed (Rom. 12:2): “Be you transformed by the renewing of your mind; see to it that there be a saving change wrought in you, and that it be carried on.” Conversion and sanctification are the renewing of the mind, a change not of the substance, but of the qualities of the soul. It is the same with making a new heart and a new spirit—new dispositions and inclinations, new sympathies and antipathies; the understanding enlightened, the conscience softened, the thoughts rectified; the will bowed to the will of God, and the affections made spiritual and heavenly: so that the man is not what he was—old things are passed away, all things are become new; he acts from new principles, by new rules, with new designs. The mind is the acting ruling part of us; so that the renewing of the mind is the renewing of the whole man, for out of it are the issues of life, Prov. 4:23.”

What I believe Matthew Henry meant – and what God means – is that transformation and renewal are not acts WE complete. They are done by the Spirit, y’all! What a huge relief. Sure, my behavior has to change – and it has, over time. But sanctification can ONLY be done by God, so I can relinquish control here.

The commentary goes on to say: “What is the great enemy to this renewing, which we must avoid; and that is, conformity to this world: Be not conformed to this world. All the disciples and followers of the Lord Jesus must be nonconformists to this world. Me syschematizesthe—Do not fashion yourselves according to the world. We must not conform to the things of the world; they are mutable, and the fashion of them is passing away.”

Y’all, this is GOOD NEWS! This is amazing! When we just decide that enough is enough – what we’re doing isn’t working – and we give the control of betterment to the only One who can actually do it right – we are refreshed, renewed, and transformed! And while that last commentary reference might sound a little – ah – boring – it’s really not. The things of this world will become things – and I swear it because I’ve felt it – we don’t want after all. They will seem trivial and trite and petty and uninteresting.

Blessings today, y’all.

 

 

 

Opening Your Heart Through Time

Years ago I spent a season of my life riding the train and bus to work and came to a realization: people, for some reason, feel very comfortable telling me (a perfect stranger) their life stories. I thought it was strange and that I was totally weird – that there was something about me that prompted them to unburden themselves.

Why would that make me weird? Truth is, I thought that they felt comfortable invading my personal space because I was uncool like they were. But that was stupid, because it wasn’t like the unemployed single mom probably on drugs was the only type of person to approach me, and it wasn’t just on my way to work; it happened at the bank, the grocery store, on the street! People I didn’t know well at work – any time, anywhere.

To many, it would probably be flattering. But here’s the disconnect – when other people unload on me, I then become responsible for fixing and/or seeing them through their troubles. So here are all these people I will never meet again, placing their problems on my heart, and there is nothing I can do but listen and offer advice on the spot! It made me feel absolutely horrible and emotionally drained.

The reason that I feel irrational and unnecessary responsibility for other people (who have nothing to do with me) and their problems? A story for another day, perhaps. But being available to  others is always a timely subject. I know now that for that season in my life, God didn’t need me to be in the lives of those people day in and day out – He needed me to just be open with my heart to them. I was reminded of what a blessing it was through Pastor Susan’s post about the same topic.

Whether it’s a long-time friend or someone you just met and will never see again, open your heart, your mind, and your time and let that person have a bit of it. We all face things that we just can’t figure out on our own. I would urge you, however, to turn to the Word during these conversations, and to nudge the other person there as well. As many good answers I was able to provide through experience, none of them work without the Lord.